Pretty tough decisions have been made today. In a nut shell, after several tears myself and **** have decided to put the weight restoration process on hold for a while. I have been getting extremely stressed out with having to gain weight but it going up and down then up a bit down more back up bla bla bla, then the issues with my ovaries/suspected Endometriosis. My weight constantly fluctuating through my panicking when I gain what I see as "too much" in one go causes me to then lose it all again plus more because it scares me how fast I can actually gain. Anyway, my weight doing that is causing my health to deteriorate further. So we have decided that I can control my diet (she's going to trust me to manage it myself) and I have to maintain at the best. If I gain, even better, but I'm not allowed to drop anymore because obviously further weight loss will cause more health problems. This needs to be ran by with my ED nurse of course, which to be honest she will probably laugh at the idea, but for now until I next see her that's how we are going to do things. I will also be getting spot weighed at home. I'm not giving up on recovery at all, I'm not giving up on the process of it. I just feel that putting it on hold even if it is just for a few days where I can maintain my weight will relieve some of the stress I am having from my health issues. It all built up a lot and it was dragging me down so we agreed for now to see how things go. I'm nervous of course as I could use it to my advantage and just lose weight and lie about everything. In the long run however that is only going to make things worse so I won't do that. I just need all of my scans and everything out of the way before I can fully focus on what else needs to be done. Please don't think I'm giving up and I've lost motivation because hand on heart that is NOT the reason at all. It is actually so I have more mental energy to focus on my health which needs to be sorted first and foremost. I'm still recovering, I will still continue to move forward in my recovery, I'm just going to maintain for a while and see how that goes in regards to helping my health. I'm a fighter, I'm a warrior & I'm a soldier, I will NOT be giving up :).
None of the above will be affecting me supporting all of you out there though, not in the slightest! None of your struggles or anything you wish to talk about are a burden to me in the slightest. I love helping others, I just meant it all in regards to weight restoration and my health. Nothing else will be changing at all and I am still completely mentally strong enough to guide you all! That I promise you.
Now I'm off to watch a film and snuggle up on the sofa with my blanket, nice relaxing evening!
Quote of the day = "a real person isn't perfect, and a perfect person isn't real."
Keeley. xx
No comments:
Post a Comment