Diary 20th Sept - Today's Day

I've just been looking at stuff for my new bedroom today. I didn't end up going shopping because my pain decided to make a reappearance which was a pain in the backside! The joys of what's to come at the end of the month, lol. 

I have an old friend coming over again any time now for a catch up which will be lovely, nice to have some company of an evening when everybody else is out. Sometimes I like being on my own, others I don't. To be honest, I don't like actually being 'on my own' as such. Just when I feel like I want to be alone I will sit by myself alone in the house but still when others are around. I really do not like being physically alone with absolute silence. 

I had a lovely chat with my Nan on the phone earlier too, she's giving me some of the stuff that she had in her old house from when I was little which will be lovely. I loved that house so so much so it'll be lovely to have little memories of both my nan and granddad, and the house too.  Except in my bedroom this time :)! It's going to be very comforting. 

I've been in a really sensible mood today, I've spoke about things sensibly without getting upset (regarding the laparoscopy etc) and haven't completely burst out crying over it. I mean, I'm 19. I should be working or at university, or travelling the world or something. Seeing things and going to places, enjoying social events. Instead I'm sat here daily trying to figure out the ways of how I will actually settle down and have my own family one day. That's not something I wanted to be doing until I'd travelled and became financially stable. Now I can't do any of that at the moment because of physical and mental health purposes, so I sit here with my thoughts rattling around about how I can actually make my dreams come true. In all honesty though I am quite proud of myself, I could have just took this as my opportunity to fail and give up completely. Sink back into depression and isolate myself away from everyone and everything. I haven't though, I've sat and used my time in a fairly productive way, figuring out my future and what I want to be doing and whether it's ever going to be actually possible to do it. Anything is possible though, sometimes you just have to take a different route to get to where you want to be. Nothing is impossible, even the word itself spells "I'm-possible."

Quote of the day = "Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes."

Keeley. xx