Diary 25th Aug - Getting through the day

Okay day today! Spent the day in bed drifting in and out of sleep again though. Just to clarify, this isn’t because I’m depressed or really low in mood or anything,

I’ve just been in quite a lot of pain recently and it’s tiring me out. It keeps me awake all night (had no sleep whatsoever again last night!) and then still hurts in the day but I sleep a little better because of exhaustion. My mood is fine, I’m not relapsing into depression again! I was sat thinking about it earlier and realised how me keep posting that I’ve just slept all day could come across as me not doing very well and sinking back into depression but that couldn’t be any further from the truth. I’m actually quite content at the moment, I still have my mood swings quite a bit but I’m not low in mood in general.

Tonight I plan to hopefully do some knitting again, I had to undo the whole thing because I’d lost loads of stitches along the line, damn eyesight! Can’t wait for my appointment with the eye hospital to come through. I’m just a mess really! Or as I’ve been told – “A medical students dream” hahaha.

Still trying to think of what I can do on Wednesday evening/Thursday morning (anniversary date of rape) but to be honest I actually think I’ll be okay. I’m getting a little more anxious as the day draws nearer but that’s just because it’ll be the first anniversary of it that I haven’t been in hospital.

I just put my headphones and blast some angry music when I get anxious/agitated though, so I’ll probably be doing a lot of that! I know it’s not an angry song but at the moment I am LOVING ‘Avicii – Wake Me Up’. The video to it makes me smile and makes me feel really peaceful as it shows a lady galloping a horse across a field. I used to do horse riding and riding a horse like that is truly the most freeing feeling I have ever experienced. I’m sat here smiling now just thinking about it!

Also had a lovely phone call with an old friend and a catch up which was fab, put a perfect end to the evening. Now I’m just going to sit and read, maybe knit, with a coffee.

Overall, a pretty smiley Keeley today!

Quote of the day

 “After a while I looked in the mirror and realised… Wow. After all those hurts, scars and bruises, after all of those trials. I really made it through.
I did it.
I survived that which I thought was supposed to end me. So I straightened my crown, and walked away like a boss.”


Keeley xx