Diary 22nd Aug - One week and counting

Well, I had my appointment today for my weigh-in with the CPN. Except the CPN wasn’t there so my social worker did it which was a little easier. Anyway cut a long story short – I gained 1.3kg over 15 days. I hope it’s enough but I guess I won’t find out until next Wednesday when I see usual ED Nurse again but I’ll have gained again by then anyway if I continue to stick to my meal plan.

I know the majority of what I talk about is Anorexia related, but the reason is because that is something that I still struggle with and I guess I want to let you all know that no, things aren’t perfect but they are still a hell of a lot better than they were.
 It’s a big part of my life at the moment and I still have my struggles as much as the next person, however I am turning things around and slowly but surely becoming more energised and having a healthier mind set with regards to food/weight. It IS possible! So yeah, I got tearful and cried over my gain and my social worker said she saw a different side to me because I normally put on such a brave face that she didn’t expect to see me break. I’m okay now though, I actually feel more positive about things in a way!
 I left my appointment and went and had lunch in Nandos. Restrict because I gained? Naaaaah! I’m not gaining weight, I’m gaining life.

You may remember me mentioning yesterday about today being a week until the 3 year anniversary of the day I was raped. I’m not going to lie, I do feel a little apprehensive about it as the day is drawing nearer. As I said though, I am determined not to let it affect me how it has done the last couple of years.

Hold on, WAIT. I’ve just been told that the naturists in my local area have kicked up a fuss because they are no longer allowed to read in public libraries or hold their book club there because it’s “not an appropriate use of public buildings” however they did offer to bring a towel to sit on and robes to wear in case there is a fire alarm. I have nothing against naturism but I’m sorry I’m actually crying here! HAHAHA.

Anyway back to where I was (I can’t see I have tears in my eyes). Oh yeah, so almost 3 years!

Apprehension is kicking in but I have no thoughts of self harm/suicide/any way of hurting myself whatsoever. I may have a few tears on the day but that is just part of grievance, I’m not going to grieve over the incident though, just the part of me I felt like I had lost that night. Then I’ll be looking at how I’m gaining back the parts of me that I lost. Confidence, emotions, dignity and more, they are all being rebuilt again and I couldn’t be happier about that.
I’ve had the closure I need on that aspect of my life and things are looking up so much.
It gets easier, it gets better and life really does improve so much more! Now I have an urge to break in to song, sorry I can’t resist… “ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIIIIIGHT SIDE OF LIFE!” haha. Now, at the risk of sounding like a news reporter… That’s all from me for tonight folks! Back to you (sorry had to get that bit in there).

 Hope everybody has smiled over at least one thing today, your happiness and humour will come back I promise you.

Quote for the day

“It’s okay to be a glowstick, you gotta break before you shine!”


Keeley xx